Decisions
by AKAdenny
Summary: What I believe is the background on Sarah Walker leading up to the S3 opener. Just speculation on my part. For Chapter 2 - Okay, I'm sure we won't see this on TV but wouldn't we like to? Chapter 3 Complete AU
1. Chapter 1

A/N: A short story giving some background into what I believe has to be the foundation for the start of S3. Of course, I am going to be a little more dramatic but I still think that Chuck will flash on Sarah's file in the season opener. So what you read here is just a setup to that story.

No beta, so overlook my mistakes.

Anyway, all in good fun. Hope you enjoy.

Decisions

I walk into my hotel room and throw my sweater on the chair and step out of my shoes on my way to the bathroom. My arms move with sluggish exhaustion, more from the mental roller coaster I've been riding than physical exertion.

The rehearsal dinner was more difficult than I thought it would be with the promise of a future with Chuck staring me in the face.

Chuck, Casey and I have just rescued Chuck's dad from Fulcrum and Casey made sure that I wasn't arrested for running with Chuck. He no longer has the intersect in his head and according to the original plan, I should be preparing to leave LA for good.

All in all, everything has turned out like I had always dreamed.

Then why do I feel like my whole world is falling in around me.

I walk into the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. Lifting my head, I look passed my hands, still holding my face, to the blue eyes I see looking back at me. Those eyes have always held secrets that were indiscernible to anyone who looked into them. Now, I'm afraid I'm the one being kept in the dark.

Who am I trying to fool?

I knew that I had feelings for him, but I thought I had it under control. I thought he was just a friend. Someone I cared about but not in that way, or at least, not enough in that way.

I pull the phone out of my pocket to call Bryce, but realize that he's not able to take calls tonight. As I walk back to my bed and just fall on it, I'm suddenly glad that I can't reach him tonight. What would I say to him? How would I explain that I disobeyed orders and ran away with Chuck to save him from a bunker? He would know what that meant.

Bryce has been asking a lot of questions the way it was. I know he suspects that I've fallen for Chuck.

I honestly thought I had it under control.

I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling. I do not have the emotional energy to get up and remove my clothes. And that's when it hits me.

Oh my God, if not for the fact that Chuck was missing his weenie cap, I would have had sex with him. I feel the guilt wash over me like thick paint remover running over my head. As it contacts my skin, I feel the sting of the acid as it eats away at me. The strength of the raw emotion seems to grow exponentially with each second that time consumes. And that hunger cannot be satiated because of the shear weight of my deed. As the guilt accuses me, as a stand-in for my fiancé, of not doing the very thing that I had promised… Recognize when I'm at that point of no return and step back. I don't even have a feeble answer to supply.

The room starts spinning as though I've had 13 shots of tequila.

There is no way to avoid what this means. No way to wrap it into a "for the mission" category. I was going to make love to Chuck because I wanted to. I can remember that moment when I still had a choice and I chose.

I chose Chuck.

_Shit_, I thought. _How much more complicated can this get_? For the first time since I joined in the CIA, I feel like a slut, or at the very least, a cheat.

Lying flat on my back, as I look at the ceiling fan, I think about the choice I have to make. And when I've made that choice, a man that I love will be hurt.

I close my eyes but cannot contain the tears as they find a pathway to my cheeks. The thing is…I already know who will be hurt. I made that decision when I ran. At that moment, I had given it all up, my job, my fiancé, and the future that I always thought I wanted.

And for what, a picket fence and computer nerd? I shake my head at the incredulity. I feel as though I'm a character in a horror movie and Chuck has somehow managed to change me from the inside out. I try not to even think about it but fundamentally, I know, if he has changed me it's for the better.

I think back to the rehearsal dinner and almost smile when I recall the excitement in Chuck's voice. He had the intersect out of his head and the girl he wanted on his arm. And I had compartmentalized the situation so that I didn't think about Bryce. But now, I have to think about Bryce.

I grab my phone and hit speed dial number one. I know Bryce won't answer but I need to start the process.

"Bryce, its Sarah." I take a deep breath, a part of me cannot believe I'm actually getting ready to say what I'm about to say. "Listen, we need to talk. Ellie's wedding is tomorrow and I've got a lot of stuff I'm going to be busy with…but… we need to talk."

I disconnected and threw the phone on the foot of the bed. I know he will know what that means. We have a way of communicating that requires few words. I think that's why I gave him a chance in the first place, and then grew to love him.

How did Chuck ever worm his way into my heart? He always wanted me to talk.

And I hate to talk.

But I love Chuck. There I said it. I love Chuck. Get used to it Walker. There will be no denying it soon enough. Not to Casey, not to yourself and certainly not to Chuck.

I think briefly about Dad. What would he think?

I sigh in exasperation.

Sarah Walker, you've done it this time. There was no way to see this coming. I've got to think how I'll play this out. I can't just walk up to him a say that I've decided to stay with him and I'm leaving the CIA. What are we going to do now? He would probably freak out!

As my mind begins to slow down and I feel the inevitable race with sleep about to overtake me, my thought is that tomorrow something will allow make it easy for me to tell him. Maybe I won't even have to say it. Maybe I can just show him.

The last thought I have is, _I hope the wedding goes as planned_.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I've kind of rushed this to press without a beta so who knows how it will read. If I wrote what I think I wrote...I think you'll like it. Hope so anyway.

Decisions

Chapter Two

"Sandy, its Sarah." The blonde began to tear up the minute she heard the woman's pitiful voice.

"Sarah, I'm so glad you called. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, how are you holding up?" Sarah's voice cracked as she asked the question.

"I just can't believe he's gone. I keep thinking he'll call and tell me it's all for some undercover operation." The woman on the other end began to cry in earnest.

"I wish I could tell you differently but…" Sarah had to stop and compose herself. "I know he's dead, Sandy."

After a pause, both women took the time to gather their fortitude; Sarah wanted to get a difficult subject put behind her.

"Sandy, I'll be flying out there tomorrow. I'll be at the funeral on Wednesday."

"Thank you, Sarah. I know Bryce would have made you a wonderful husband, if he would have got the chance."

Sarah's mouth went dry. This was not going to be easy. "Sandy, there's something I need to tell you before I get there…it's kind of important."

"Speak up; you don't have to worry about me. You're family, you know that, Sarah."

"That's what I have to talk with you about." Sarah tried to think of an easy way to say it, but her mind went blank and her tongue felt like a slab of beef. "Bryce and I broke up." She hadn't meant to be so blunt. She just wasn't any good in these situations.

"What?"

"Bryce and I broke up the day he was killed." Sarah waited; she could visualize the woman on the other end of the phone working through what she had just been told.

"I see… and why are you telling me this now, instead of when you get out here?"

_This isn't getting any easier_, Sarah thought. "Because I'm bringing someone with me. Someone that might be involved." Sarah could hear Bryce's mother turn cold.

"Sarah, of course you're welcome. Bryce would never forgive me if I said you weren't. But I don't think your friend will be welcome." Sandy's voice was short and clipped.

"Yeah, he will, Sandy…because you know him too." Sarah knew that she was overwhelming her one-time future mother-in-law because again there was silence on the other end as the woman had to give herself time to understand what Sarah was saying to her.

"Who is it?" Short and to the point. Now, Mrs. Larkin just wanted to know the facts. She would deal with them later.

"It's Chuck Bartowski."

"Chuck! From Stanford? How do you know Chuck? He's not-"

"No, he's just someone Bryce and I ran into a couple of years back because of work. But Chuck is not involved."

"You mean with the CIA? But he is involved?"

"Chuck and I were just friends. That's what I thought. And you know because of my job, I couldn't tell Chuck about my relationship with Bryce. Chuck thought that Bryce and I were history. So…he sort of pursued a relationship with me. But he had no idea that I was engaged."

"And what about Bryce? Did he know about Chuck?"

"Everything. Bryce was in a position to know it all. We talked about it all the time." Sarah stopped as she thought about what she wanted to say to Sandy. "I'm sure that Bryce didn't want me to break up with him. I know that I hurt him. I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. But I didn't have a choice. That's all I can say about it. But I can tell you this, if I had to leave Bryce for anyone else in the world, Chuck would be the one person he would be okay with. It sort of evens the score."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, Sandy. I just wanted you to know about Chuck before we came out there… together. Oh, and I will be bringing the ring. Under the circumstances, I can't keep it."

"Very well." Her tone of voice told Sarah that she couldn't agree more.

***********

The knock on her door was subdued. She knew that it echoed the mood of the man standing outside. She wished that she could think of a better way to tell him what she had to say but there was no way she could go to Bryce's funeral alone. And in fact, he had said that he wanted to go.

She opened the door and saw him try to smile. But today, there just wasn't any smiles.

"Hey," she said and step away allowing him access to her hotel room.

"Hey," he said and immediately didn't know what to do with his hands. He didn't seem to understand where their relationship stood at the moment.

She saw his awkwardness and reached for him giving him a peck on the lips. She had fought this for too long. She wasn't going to let it slip through her fingers now.

Chuck smiled then, but only briefly. But he must have known what that small kiss meant. There was only one reason for her to do that. And it had nothing to do with their cover.

"What do you have to tell me that couldn't wait?" he said.

"I'm going to Bryce's funeral, in Connecticut…and I want you to come with me."

He looked at her as he processed that. "Yeah, sure. When is it?"

"We leave tomorrow. I've already taken the liberty to get you a ticket."

"Okay, yeah, that's great. We've got nothing else to do for the next couple of weeks. At least until we get clearance to continue."

"Chuck…" Sarah turned and looked at him. She saw in his expression, surprise. Surprise at the honesty and vulnerability that her eyes conveyed. "We've got some things we need to talk about. Do you think you could stay here tonight?"

She had never asked him to stay at the hotel. Why would she. There would be no reason to protect their cover here. She saw that he understood exactly what she was asking.

"Sarah, I'd be happy to stay here. Or, you could come to my place. Ellie and Devon are long gone."

Sarah thought about it, but only for an instant. "No, let's stay here."

For the second time today, he smiled briefly, but on a day like today, that was all he could muster. But it was enough. In that brief smile, he told her that he understood what she was asking. That staying with her here at the hotel, with no other reason to be here except that she wanted him here, she was taking a new direction with their relationship. And she knew as well from the look in his eye, that he understood that she not only wanted him to stay, she needed him to stay, for a multitude of reasons.

What only she knew at this moment was that one of those reasons was to come clean. It was not going to be easy for her…more talking. But she knew that these hours spent alone with Chuck could be the most important hours of her life. As much as she dreaded it, she was not going to run away from it like she had done in the past. Watching Bryce as he laid dead had done something to her. At one point, she thought that she was going to die as well. And in those brief seconds, the only thing she could think of was that she hadn't told Chuck how she felt. She realized now that in her line of work, there were no guarantees. She may not have next week, let alone next year. She would be damned if she allowed something to get between her and Chuck now.

She hoped that maybe they could finally reach that next level in their relationship. They had been close, but ever since she had accepted the fact that she had broken off her engagement with Bryce to be with Chuck, that one aspect that was missing from their relationship was all she thought about. Besides, she felt as though he wasn't really hers until they had bridged that gap. It was too much like a cover relationship.

Even with the sadness of Bryce's passing, she didn't want to wait. She wanted to show Chuck how she felt now. But that was as much for lust as is was for love. What she needed to do was tell him how she felt. For her, that would be harder.

"I guess if I'm going to stay here tonight I should run back home and get a couple of items," he said.

"No need, I picked you up a toothbrush today. You can keep it here for when you stay over." Sarah hesitated before looking up to meet his gaze. When she did, she could not help but mirror the look of happiness that she saw from him.

"Yeah, but I still need something to sleep in."

I took care of that too. Chuck, trust me, I've got everything you need."

She saw his expression change and then she realized what she had said. She hoped that her statement was true. She hoped to the deepest part of her soul that she really and truly did have everything he needed. But as she steeled herself against her insecurities, she thought, _and_ _even if I don't, I'm going to give it everything I have_.

"You go ahead and take a shower, I'll take mine after you," she said. "I'll bring in your stuff in in a minute."

Chuck was a little overwhelmed; he felt like he had just walked into Sarah's hotel room and suddenly, he's stepping right into her shower while she goes to retrieve the toothbrush and pajamas she had just bought for him. As he walked to the bathroom he wondered if he was in a dream.

Chuck finished his shower and was now lying in bed while Sarah took her turn at getting ready for bed. Chuck thought back to just a few minutes before when as he stood in the shower, Sarah walked in with his pajamas and toothbrush and after putting them on the counter she turned to talk to him while he showered.

He couldn't remember what they had talked about. It just seemed like a real moment. The kind a moment you have with your girlfriend. As he moved to get more comfortable, he heard the water turn off and he was aware that his heart rate had increased as he waited for Sarah to join him. He couldn't help wondering what she would be wearing.

When she finally came into view, he smiled because he remembered seeing her in just a T-shirt not that long ago. He had to admit to himself that she looked good in anything she put on her body.

"The pajamas fit okay?" she asked.

"Like they were made for me," he said smiling.

Sarah smiled back but then got serious. "Chuck, we have to talk. I've got some things I need to tell you. It's going to be pretty heavy for you, I'm afraid."

Chuck's expression quickly conformed to this new environment. "Yeah, sure, whatever you have to say, Sarah, you can tell me."

Sarah took a deep breath. She had in fact been steeling herself for this moment the whole time she had been in the shower.

"Chuck, remember when we first met? Remember that I told you to trust me…not to believe me?"

His brows drew down at the topic of conversation.

"Yeah, I remember."

"I don't think I've given you any reason not to trust me as far as your safety was concerned."

"Sarah, you've been great. What's this all about?"

Sarah sat on top of the bed on her knees, the bottom of her legs underneath her, facing him. Her T-shirt was pulled up to her waist causing Chuck some problems with focus.

"I've made no claims that I have been totally upfront and honest about my personal life. In fact, I've let you know at every turn that I would not talk about that. Would you agree?"

"Sarah, come on. What are you getting at? You're starting to make me nervous."

Sarah looked at her hands in her lap for a long time. She then looked up at him with the most direct expression he could remember seeing on her face. "I've had a secret that I've kept almost from day-one from you." She looked down again and ran her tongue around her lips to stave off the dryness that she felt. "I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it…for almost as long as I've known you, I've been engaged to Bryce Larkin." Sarah watched Chuck closely for any sign or clue of what he was feeling. She couldn't take a breath as she waited for him to speak, for him to decide whether she would be happy or miserable for the rest of her life.

He was hurt. She could see that.

"You're engaged to Bryce?"

"I was engaged to Bryce. I broke it off the day of Ellie's wedding."

Chuck scooted out of bed and stood staring at her and as he did she reached for him as if to keep him close, to keep him in her bed, but she only found thin air.

"But what about in the hotel back in Barstow?"

She wanted to ask him to get back in bed. She wanted him to erase the hurt that lay behind his eyes. She wanted a lot to be different. But she couldn't change the past. All she had control of was right now.

"Barstow was real. I wanted that as much as you did. That's really when I knew that Bryce and I were over. It took me a while to understand but on a deeper level, I knew that I had stopped loving him and had fallen in love with you."

"Sarah, this is…so all of those times we went on cover dates… that's all they were to you?"

"No, don't you see? That's all I wanted them to be at the time. I had a fiancé and I had plans when this assignment was over." Sarah's voice was imploring. Chuck had never heard here as emotional or as vulnerable as she appeared right now. "But as hard as I tried to keep our cover dates compartmentalized within the realm of work, slowly and surely, I began to think more about you than about Bryce." Sarah reached out her hand to him as she silently asked him to rejoin her in bed.

He looked at her hand for a long time and then his eyes slowing made the trip up to hers. He sighed and reached for it and climbed back into her bed.

"I'm sorry, it's just a little much to take in all at once," he said. "I know you owed me nothing about your personal life."

Sarah had never let go of his hand and now brought it over to her and laid it on her chest, over her heart. "Chuck, my life these last few months have been a bi-polar nightmare. I began to be more and more thrilled with the time I spent with you but I felt such guilt about what I was doing to Bryce. I hope you can understand that I didn't want to hurt you or him. It was just this damn situation I found myself in."

Chuck looked at her with an indecipherable expression. "When did you choose me? I mean, when did you know it was me and not Bryce?"

"Not until I was sent into the Buy More to get you and bring you back to Casey so he could drug you. You told me you trusted me. At that moment I didn't care what I had to do. I just knew that I didn't care about my job, my partner or my fiancé; I had to keep you safe. Because your happiness meant more to me than my own."

Chuck's neutral expression evaporated into joy as he understood what she had said to him. "Sarah, I'm sorry for-"

"Wait, I'm not finished. I've always let you take the lead when it comes to talking and letting each other know how we felt. Tonight, I need to get this off my chest before I explode."

Chuck's expression showed her his delight, surprise and delight.

"I have not just spilled my guts to you so I'll feel better about myself. There's only one way for me to be happy now. I know that just as sure as I know who I am." Sarah composed herself as her body went a little rigid.

"Chuck, I love you with all of my heart. I can't imagine living without you and if you'll say that you'll have me, I'll do everything in my power to keep you happy for as long as I'm alive."

Sarah had let go of Chuck's hand and had set back on her feet as she waited for his response. She could not have looked more childlike as she waited for what felt like a sentencing by a judge. Only this judge held the key to her heart.

When she got the courage to raise her eyes to meet his, she saw that he was crying, weeping tears of joy.

Soon, she joined him as huge tears dropped from her eyes and slip down her cheeks.

Suddenly there expressions change as one and they crashed into each other in a kiss so passionate and so anxious that they began to pull at each other's clothing with real urgency.

When they were almost in the desired state of undress, Chuck pulled away and said in the most frustrated voice Sarah had ever heard, "Oh no, I've not had a chance to get that item we need to make this happen, if you know what I mean?"

Sarah looked at him for a second, not giving away her mental state of mind. Suddenly, she began to smile as she pulled open the drawer to her night stand and pulled out a brand new unopened box of the aforementioned items.

"A toothbrush and pajamas were not the only items I bought for you today," she said with a positively wicked smile.

The rest of the night was used to catch up on all of the times when they had denied themselves or allowed the job or anything to get between them. This night the only thing that came between them was the aforementioned item.

Hope you enjoyed.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I couldn't have strayed off my planned story any more had I been trying. But that is always the way it goes with me. My best stuff is always what seems to come out on its own. I should literally just start writing with no idea what the next word will be.

This story is gone AU like they always do with me. I like to get to know the characters as real people. I hope that comes through in this chapter. Let me know if you like it. I would like to know if this style is okay for fanfiction.

Decisions

Chapter 3

The walk to the family cemetery on the back side of the huge estate was somber, for Sarah, even doubly so. She was sad and conflicted over the loss of a man that she still cared for. But as she and Chuck walked from their car towards the rear of the grounds, Sarah locked eyes with Sandy Larkin in the distance and realized that behind the sorrow that shown so elegantly in the mother's eyes, there was also pain. She obviously resented Sarah for breaking off her engagement to her son, and in the process, hurting him. Sarah knew in the brief encounter that there would be no commiserating between the two when it came time to return the ring.

The estate was just what one would expect from an ultra-wealthy family living to the north of New York City. The huge three story colonial with four massive columns in front stood proudly on seventy acres of perfectly manicured grounds. This was old money.

The ocean could be heard just over the huge hedgerow that surrounded the estate.

The misty, crisp autumn air bit into their faces like sand as they followed a large procession of people dressed in overcoats and suits and holding umbrellas. The whipping moisture made the temperature seem colder yet. It was the kind of cold that could be felt down to your bones.

Sarah felt it in her marrow.

The grey clouds overhead seemed to circle above the estate and were mirrored in Sarah's eyes as though she had absorbed the colorless aspect as it threatened to engulf all of her.

But Sarah had a defense for this kind of attack. And he walked beside her keeping the drizzle from drenching her clothing. She didn't look at him as they walked. Her mind was on other things. But she knew he was there… her strength…and she drew upon it heavily. In the past, when Chuck needed protection, she had always been there for him. Now, it was his turn to take on the role of protector. It was his strength after all, his emotional strength that she needed. And he was determined to provide it for her just as she had provided the physical strength to keep him safe in so many missions past.

For his part, Chuck said nothing. He knew she was reliving her history with Bryce, mentally exorcizing her demons. She needed to accept what she had done and in so doing accept that she could be happy with Chuck. He knew that what she needed from him was his presence. He was fine with that.

The back of the estate was forested and the leaves had begun to turn colors causing the backdrop of the grounds to look spectacular as the rain caused the many colors to glisten with various sheens.

Sarah walked beside Chuck as he held the umbrella above them both. She wore a tasteful black dress cut just below the knee and her golden hair hung loose on her shoulders and shone like Jason's Fleece. Her long, leather overcoat could have been used on the matrix set as it fit her snugly around the waist and flared out near the bottom. Her black pumps made a clickity-clack sound with each step as the brick walkway followed the hedgerow to the back of the estate.

Chuck wore a black suit and for the first time in a long time, real dress shoes. He realized now after everything that had happened between him and Bryce, that he owed him at least respect. He hadn't always known what motivated Bryce to do the things he did but he had become certain since his death that Bryce always had his best interest in mind, up to the point of not really fighting for Sarah. Chuck was certain that had it been any other person besides himself, Bryce would have fought with everything he had. But not with Chuck, maybe because Bryce felt like he owed Chuck something for getting him kicked out of Stanford. Or, maybe it was something else, something more complicated. He didn't know and he realized it didn't matter because now, he never would know. As he walked along the walkway with the beautiful blonde on his arm, the walkway that Bryce himself must have walked so many times as a kid. Chuck made himself a promise to always be there for Sarah, because Bryce would never have the opportunity. Chuck looked up to see the family cemetery about fifty yards in the distance. There was a large crowd of people already gathered. As he looked closer, he noticed something didn't look right. There were a large number of people wearing the same style of overcoat. He looked over at Sarah to see if she noticed anything out of the ordinary and saw immediately that she was still in her own little world. He reached down and grabbed her hand.

He hadn't taken another three steps when he saw a tall red-head walking his way. As she got closer, he realized he knew her.

"Carina?" he said and felt Sarah squeeze his hand.

Carina stopped in front of them and looked at Sarah voicelessly expressing her sorrow. She then shot her glance to Chuck and smiled.

"Nice to see you again, Chuck." The smile on her face indicated she was surprised to see him.

"Sarah, if there's anything I can do…? Actually, I'm surprised they're making you work this particular mission."

"I'm not working." She said no more.

Carina's brow wrinkled in confusion as she looked back to Chuck. And then she looked at their hands and slowly brought her gaze up to meet Sarah's.

Without taking her eyes off of Sarah she said, "What about you, Chuck? Is this personal for you as well," she said, finally looking again at their hands.

"Yeah, Bryce was my college roommate."

You could see the wheels turning in Carina's mind as she grabbed Sarah's free arm and began to walk towards the cemetery with them.

"I feel like I'm missing something," Carina said as she walked along.

Chuck felt another squeeze of his hand just before Sarah began to speak.

"Bryce and I broke up." She didn't say any more.

"I see… When?"

"The day he died."

Carina pulled Sarah's arm close to her. "And the reason?"

Sarah stopped and looked at her. In the process pulling her hand free from Chuck's. Their eyes were like the ends of metal rods, or laser beams, their connection was that intense.

"He's walking beside me." Sarah continued to stare.

"I see," Carina said again and began to walk again causing Sarah and Chuck to follow.

Carina stopped suddenly, releasing her hold on Sarah's arm, she looked at Chuck.

"No offense Chuck, but Sarah, do have any idea what you're doing? You can't fall for an asset."

"Chuck is not an asset," she said and shot him a quick smile.

"You can't fall for an analyst then."

"Chuck is not an analyst either. His designation is still being determined. But I don't care what they call him, Carina…I love him." Sarah shot Chuck that smile that he actually lived for.

"Look, Sarah. I know we've been going through a rough patch lately but surely you see that I'm not saying this to make you unhappy. You know the statistics about couples working together. Have you been tested yet?"

"No, and I don't intend to."

"Tested?" Chuck asked.

"You haven't even told him? Sarah, I can see you taking chances with your life but I can't see you taking chances with his," Carina said.

"I'm not taking any chances with Chuck. I will protect him like always. And besides he can take care of himself."

"Okay," she said as if she had a hard time believing that. "And what about you?"

"I was tested with Bryce."

Carina took a step towards Sarah and grabbed her by the arm. Pulling her in close so that their faces were inches apart. She spoke with emotion but softly so that Chuck had trouble hearing her.

"That's not the same thing and you know it. You get tested with Chuck or I'll make sure you do."

"Carina, it's none of your business," Sarah spat as she took a step back jerking her arm from the redhead's grasp.

"Since when are you none of my business?" Carina said.

"What are you guys talking about?" Chuck asked in a whisper as he looked around hoping that they had not attracted attention with their demonstration.

Sarah pulled her glare away from Carina who showed no evidence she was going to back down. "I'll tell you about it later," she said. "It's part of a lot of things we have to discuss."

"All field agents who are," Carina stopped speaking as she tried to find the right word. "Involved, are required to go through psychological testing if they are working together. I would say that you and Chuck meet those requirements now that he is being, how did you say it… reclassified. They are very good at predicting survival rates based on the psychological tests they've developed."

Chuck looked at Sarah who refused to meet his eyes. "Did you and Bryce do this?"

"Yes, our numbers were fine."

"But you don't know about how you and Chuck will do. You have to have the tests," Carina insisted.

"Sarah, it sounds reasonable-"

"Fine, but I swear to you Carina, if this doesn't work out, I'll never speak to you again."

"Better that than having you dead."

The threesome began to walk in earnest towards the cemetery having exhausted any other pleasantries.

The service was fitting for a hero. But it was emotionally draining, for both Chuck and Sarah. Chuck heard numerous stories of Bryce's achievements. He could only be more awed than he already was. Carina had to work and so she had left them early on. Only Sarah knew that the CIA suspected the Ring to show and that was the reason for all of the agents.

After the service was over, Sarah had wanted a moment alone with Bryce but Sandy Larkin had stayed as well. Sarah knew that that was how it should be. After all, she had given up the right. So she led Chuck back to the house to wait on Sandy so she could give back the family heirloom.

There were many people inside the house and food had been catered in. Chuck had been to the house once before but it had been many years ago. Still, the house looked exactly as he saw it in his mind.

Sarah led him to a room that must have been a study of some kind. She moved around the house as though she was very familiar with it.

"Chuck, I need to talk with Sandy for a minute and then we can get on our way," Sarah said sitting down on a large burgundy leather sofa. Chuck sat in a matching chair to the left of her. And although it was one of the smaller rooms he had seen walking through, most of his sisters apartment could have fit inside.

Chuck watched Sarah closely because he could tell that she was nervous. He wasn't sure exactly why but he suspected. He really didn't know Bryce's mom that well. Mostly from things Bryce had said about her. From that vantage point alone, he didn't think Sarah had a reason to worry like she did. He tried to make small talk with her but she was focused on meeting with Sandy and was largely uncooperative. So Chuck sat back in the chair and waited.

It was not five minutes later when Sandy Larkin walked into the room as though she expected to find Sarah there.

"Chuck, would you give us a few moments?" Sarah asked.

Just as he was about to stand, Sandy spoke, "Stay, I would like a moment to speak with you. How have you been?" she asked him.

Chuck stood and shook her hand. "I'm so terribly sorry Mrs. Larkin. Bryce was a good friend. I'm going to miss him."

"Thank you." She glanced at Sarah and seemed uncomfortable. "Are you in the same business that Bryce was in?" she asked.

Chuck shot a glance to Sarah before answering. "Well no, but I am aware of the business that he was in, obviously."

Sandy Larkin stared at Chuck for a while. "I don't believe you. Although that's not important, I do believe that Bryce thought very highly of you. He spoke of you often, you know."

Chuck ignored her question. "I've come to know that Bryce was a great friend. I only wish I'd known it for the past eight years."

"Yes, Bryce had a similar sadness where you were concerned. He would never tell me what it was, but I know he regretted something in your past lives together."

Chuck struggled with finding the right response but before he could, she asked him another question.

"Up until just a few days ago, I thought Sarah would be joining our little family. And although I've not always showed it, I've come to love her like a daughter. Please tell me you will treat her well?"

Chuck started to speak but the words stuck in his throat as he looked at Sarah. She was obviously taken by surprise by Mrs. Larkin's statement.

He tried to speak again but stopped as Sarah stood and embraced the older woman and silently held her. After a while, Chuck could see that they were both weeping.

When they finally pulled apart, Sandy turned to Chuck. "I'm sorry; I didn't hear what you said."

Chuck stood as well. It didn't seem right to utter something so earnest sitting down.

"I promise that I take care of her the best way I know how. I will put her happiness before my own."

Sandy smiled through her tears. "I always liked you, Chuck."

"Sandy, I never thought this day would come. Bryce always seemed incapable of dying." Sarah pulled the ring that she carried from her coat pocket and handed it to the older woman.

Sandy took it and smiled with melancholy eyes as she regarded it wordlessly for a moment. She then gave it back to Sarah.

"No, he gave it to you. I think you should have it."

"I can't, it was your great grandmother's. It should stay in your family."

Sandy Larkin smiled the saddest smile Chuck thought he had ever seen.

"Who would I give it to? My only child is dead. There's no one left to carry on the family name now. Bryce gave it to you and that's the way it's going to stay. Just promise me that you will think of him occasionally…and when you do, think kindly."

Sarah smiled through flowing tears as she reached for the ring with one hand and grabbed Chuck's hand with her other. "That's an easy promise to keep. He was one of a kind."

It was an odd moment that followed. All three of them knew at the same instant that they're time together was over. Sarah hugged Sandy briefly one more time. Chuck shook her hand and then they left the house, leaving Sandy Larkin to deal with coping with the loss of her son.

As they walked to the car, Chuck stuck his hand in his coat pocket.

"What's this?" he said and pulled out a piece of paper. He opened it up and began to read.

"Chuck, tell Sarah that I'm staying at the Bed and Breakfast in New Haven, she knows which one. Tell her to come by tonight. I have some things to discuss with the both of you. Tell her not to skip out on me or she will regret it. Signed, Carina"

Chuck looked over at Sarah just as they reached the car. "Well, are we going?'

Sarah looked at him over the top of the car from the driver's side door with a smirk on her face. "We'd better; my sister can be a real pain in the ass when she gets angry."

**Next post**: Chuck and Sarah have the talk about her past. And oh, yeah… Those damned psychological tests.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Okay, first of all, this is a completely fictitious account. Rick Price was used because he is a well known singer in Australia and I thought using a real person would make it more exciting than if I made someone up.

Also, I think I will wind this story down. It is not as popular as I thought it might be, and truth is, I need to work on something else. I hope you like it.

Decisions

Chapter 4

After the funeral, Chuck was full of questions, but it didn't seem like the time or place. They had taken a nap at the hotel, and then Chuck read while Sarah went to the gym to work off some steam. When she returned, she took a shower and sat quietly around the room.

Chuck would occasionally glance up at her over the top of his book to gage her mood but he decided that she was still in need of her own space.

As he was reading, she suddenly started to speak.

"We've got about an hour before we need to leave for Carina's bed and breakfast."

Chuck looked up surprised at the voice in the room. "Sure, I'm ready anytime."

Sarah looked at Chuck with an intensity that he had never seen before. "Chuck, I know you're dying to ask me questions about my life. It's not been fair that I've not been more forthcoming." Sarah looked at her hands in her lap. "It's just that this has been hard for me." She met his eyes again. "And I just don't mean what happened to Bryce. I've got some concerns that I need to work through."

Chuck sat the book aside and sat up straight at that. "You have no reason to be concerned about me. I hope you're not worried about my safety or about what Carina said earlier about those tests?"

Sarah smiled a humorless smile. "No it's not that. Well, it's a little bit that. The tests are psychological tests that can predict how suited we are at working together. They have been able to predict very accurately survival rates based on the dynamics between two partners, especially ones that are…involved, as Carina put it."

"You're worried that we won't be compatible? Come on, after all that we've been through. I'll bet we get great scores." He looked at her and began to frown. "Why haven't we been tested in the past?"

"Assets don't get tested under any circumstances. Until recently, that was your official status."

He shook his head as though he accepted her statement for what it was… a statement of fact. "Why do you think Carina wants to see you?" he said, suddenly.

"Not so fast. She wants to see us both, and I don't have any idea unless it's to lecture us about being safe and taking care."

"I can't get over it that Carina is your sister. Do you know she said that you wanted me the first time we met?"

Sarah sat up straighter and pondered that. "Really, what did she say?"

"Uh, something like…she loved taking the things that Sarah wanted."

"Did she make a pass at you?"

"You mean did she make less than ten passes at me? Yeah, she did. When I asked her why, she said that she loved taking things that you wanted. She said that she bet that you didn't even know it yet but that she did."

"That bitch," Sarah said, smiling. It was the first real smile Chuck had seen her wear since that night and he smiled back because it felt good to see her look happy again.

"Hey, I'm getting hungry. You want to get something to eat before going to Carina's?" Chuck said.

"I'd like to, but I'll bet that Carina will want to go out with us. Why don't we just go over there a little early?"

Chuck got to his feet. "Let's do this thing," he said over the top seriously and followed Sarah out the door.

"How do you know which room she's in?"

Sarah just gave him that look. "This is my sister we're talking about, remember?"

Chuck accepted Sarah's explanation but wasn't really sure why. But nevertheless as she knocked on the door, he had no doubt that a tall red-head would open it.

The door swung open and Carina smiled at both of them warmly. It took Chuck by surprise. He had never seen that particular expression before.

"Come in. I've taken the liberty to order a pizza, hope you don't mind."

Chuck and Sarah shared a smile that Carina noticed.

"Put your coats on that chair and come in. I just love this place. Anytime I'm in this area I always stay here. But you already know that don't you, Sarah?"

"She knew what room you'd be in," Chuck chimed in.

"I've got Michelob and an Oatmeal Stout. The pizza's not here yet but that doesn't need to stop us from having a drink."

"I'll have the Stout," Chuck said.

"Michelob for me," Sarah followed.

Carina disappeared into her little kitchen area and soon returned with the beers. As she came back to where Chuck and Sarah stood anxiously, she noticed their mood. "Come on, have a seat, here's your beer." She waited for them to find a seat before she sat down.

They could have sat in two, large Lazy-Boy style seats but opted for the couch. Carina noticed that they sat close to one another and their free hands found each other wordlessly.

Carina sat watching them and as she did she gave birth to a small smile that began to mature with time.

"What?" Sarah finally asked.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking that had you told me when I first met Chuck that we would be sitting here in this Bed and Breakfast in these circumstances…"

"I know, it's kind of surreal," Sarah said.

"Not for me." The two women turned to stare at him.

"What are you saying, Chuck? You knew you would end up with Sarah." Carina was smiling at the audaciousness of it all, especially coming from Chuck.

"Well no, I wouldn't go that far. But there was a time maybe not long after that that I thought about the possibility of it and to me it didn't seem that far fetched." Chuck looked from one to the other. "Sarah, as good as she is at being a spy, doesn't do intimate very well. I don't mean the kind of intimate I see that you two are thinking of. I'm talking about the intimacy of two people who really get to know one another. That's scary to Sarah. Sometimes I saw her enjoying herself in our more intimate moments. It gave me hope."

"You can't argue with him, Sis…here you are," Carina said looking at Sarah.

Just thinking back to the first time I saw you two together." She looked at Chuck then. "I knew then. I knew your work, Sarah and I knew that there was more going on than just work."

"You knew more than I did, then. I knew Chuck was a nice guy but never would I have dreamed that I would fall for him," she said smiling at the man sitting next to her.

Carina's smile cleared as she asked her next question. "Chuck, I've never been clear on what your role is out in LA. Sarah said you were an analyst. But you seem to work in the field more than any analyst I've ever heard of. And Sarah is as protective of you as if you were an asset of hers."

"Chuck is not an asset. And he is more than an Analyst."

"That's interesting, but it doesn't' answer my question."

Chuck watched as the two women stared at each other. Finally, Sarah looked away with a sigh. "Carina, if there was anyone outside Chuck's team that I would trust with that information, it's you. But…this is strictly need to know."

"Chuck's team! I thought it was Casey's team?"

Sarah pursed her lips, clearly upset that she had given that away. "No, it isn't."

"That's all? That's all you're going to tell your sister?"

"Need to know."

"You don't trust me?"

"Don't pull that on me, Carina. You are probably the only person in the world I would trust to do this job. But it is need to know."

"Then it has something to do with protecting Chuck."

"Chuck doesn't need my protection."

Carina did not expect that. Her speculative expression did not hide the gears turning in her head. "I thought that was your role out in LA?"

"Need to know, Carina."

Carina started to respond when a knock at her door interrupted her. "That will be the pizza," she said getting up to answer it, seemingly forgetting about their conversation.

After paying for the pizza and flirting with the delivery guy, she put the pizza in the kitchen and brought everyone a large slice and another beer. The talking subsided as they all seemed hungry and the pizza was good.

Carina seemed to have forgotten all about the earlier conversation, so much so that Chuck was surprised by the sudden return to the earlier topic. Sarah, however, expected it.

"So, it's Chuck's team and he doesn't need Sarah's protection anymore. And yet, he is not a field agent. This just keeps getting better and better." Carina looked at Sarah and smiled and then studied Chuck with a singularly seriousness expression that made him feel uncomfortable.

"You're different now. I can see that. Whatever the initial reason for Sarah to be sent to LA is different now…because you're different."

"Carina, if you're going to keep guessing about my mission, we'll need to leave," Sarah said standing up.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop. But you just told me that I was close to the truth with you're reaction."

Sarah started to say something but was cut off by her sister.

"I'm just saying, you need to work on keeping your secrets."

"You're kidding, right?" Chuck said. "Sarah keeps secrets with the best of them. I didn't even know you were her sister until a few hours ago."

"Really, she hasn't even told you about our summer together in 2003?"

"Carina! Chuck and I haven't had time to discuss my past. I'd appreciate it if you would let me talk with him privately."

Chuck looked from Sarah to Carina. "What happened in 2003?" he said with a goofy smile on his face.

Sarah wanted to be mad at him for asking but that smile just defused her anger. "Carina, do you mind?"

"I plan on telling him all about…everything. But in my time-frame."

"At least tell me that he knows who your favorite singer is?"

"Carina! Enough."

"Sarah isn't really into music," Chuck said innocently looking from Carina to Sarah.

That's when it was obvious by the expression on her face that Sarah had given up. She must have realized that Carina was not going to stop and that Chuck was going to keep asking questions.

"Fine. Fine, Carina. Go ahead and tell him. It's so obvious you're dying to," Sarah said, a little anger seeping from her voice and her shoulders stiff. But she could not stay mad with one look at the excitement written all over Chuck's face.

"No, that's okay. I can wait," Chuck said when he saw that Sarah had been upset.

At that she calmed down completely as she realized just how patient he was being with her. She knew he was aching to know something more about her. She just wasn't sure if, here, with Carina, was the right environment to open up. Carina was an unknown quantity that made her nervous.

Sarah took a deep breath before continuing. "No, Carina, tell him. It's okay. I should have before now anyway."

Chuck looked back to Carina like a young boy looking at a lollipop.

Carina was delighted to be given the spotlight. She knew deep down that this was easier for Sarah anyway. She knew how Sarah struggled with words. "Sarah had just graduated from Harvard and she arranged to have the summer off before starting her job with the CIA," Carina said.

"Harvard! You went to Harvard?"

Sarah's smile was small, almost sheepish. "Yeah, the CIA sent me."

"Anyway, she had the whole summer off and she wanted to backpack across Europe. But I convinced her to go see our mother." Both women looked at Chuck waiting for his next question. But he was in a rapt state of attention and just waited for Carina to continue.

"Anyway, our mother is Australian and lives in Australia so we planned to visit her and hike out in the bush for the summer."

"You're Australian?" Chuck said.

"No, my mother is. I'm a US citizen like my dad. Carina's dad is Australian too."

"You're half sisters then," Chuck said.

"No," the both said at once. "We're sisters." Carina finished the sentence alone. "I just happen to have a different father than Sarah." Satisfied that Chuck understood the situation, Carina continued. "Anyway, we visit mom for a couple of weeks and then we hike out in the bush for almost two months. We had a great time. But finally, we ended up in Sydney our last two weeks in Australia."

Chuck watched as the sisters shared a look. It was one of those looks that only siblings can share. A deep knowing, an understanding between one another that is profound.

"Okay, so you're in Sydney. What does that have to do with Sarah's favorite singer?" Chuck asked.

"You ever hear of a guy named Rick Price?" Carina asked.

"No, should I have?" Chuck asked.

"No, you yanks have never really heard of him, I guess. But he's huge in Australia. Isn't that right, Sarah?"

"Carina," Sarah said laughing. "That's not funny."

"I don't get it," Chuck said.

"Carina is making a sexual reference, Chuck." Sarah looked at Chuck and sighed. "Look, I was young. I had just graduated college, I had my whole life ahead of me and I met this very attractive, older guy. It didn't hurt that he could sing like a god." She grabbed Chuck's hand. "It was my first fling."

"Rick Price?" Chuck said.

"You should Google him," Carina said with a mischievous smile.

"Carina, stop."

"Oh, like you haven't gotten on the computer and YouTubed him late at night?" Carina began to laugh like a child who had just told her first dirty joke.

"So he's famous then?" Chuck said.

"Oh, yeah," Carina said. "For two weeks, Sarah was the envy of every single woman in Sydney. And a lot of married ones."

Chuck looked from Carina to Sarah with such surprise.

"Are you okay, Chuck?" Sarah asked hesitantly not sure how he was going to respond.

"Yeah, it's just so unlike the person I know. You had an affair? For how long?"

Sarah looked at Carina obviously hoping she would pick up with the narrative.

"For the rest of the time she was in Sydney. Two weeks I think. He thought she was a school teacher from New York and wanted her to be in his video, but she knew the CIA would never allow that and refused."

That's just so un-Sarah like," Chuck said, smiling in wonder.

"I dare say, you have a whole new world to explore," Carina said. "Now, that I've got that little trip down memory lane started, I hope you can finish it on your own," she said looking at Sarah.

Sarah's smile grew. "You did that on purpose. You knew how hard it was going to be for me to start talking about myself and my past and you forced me into it."

"I know my baby sister." Immediately her expression grew serious. "But that isn't the main reason I wanted to talk with you two."

Sarah knew from her sister's expression that the topic was going to be very serious and set up straighter on the couch.

"I got a text from Bryce last Saturday night," she said and waited for that to sink in.

"Saturday! What time?" Sarah had already realized that that was the night he died.

"It came in at 7:47 p.m. and I read it immediately.

Sarah felt like something was sitting on her chest. "Why did he say?"

"He said he knew you were at a wedding and that he didn't want to bother you. But he wanted to make sure I got this message to you and to Chuck."

Chuck reached down and squeezed Sarah's hand for support. But the truth was, he felt a little apprehensive knowing that Bryce left a message for him too.

"What did he say?" Sarah asked in a whisper.

"He said that he was able to see things very clearly at the moment. He said that you are going to face some tests in your future and they will be difficult. He said that you should look to your family for support during these trying times."

"That's it?"

"Well, he said something that was private for me. I thought at the time that he was being very introspective. But I was shocked when he said that he had a message for Chuck Bartowski that he wanted me to give to him. I was shocked because I barely knew Chuck and I had no idea that you two had become involved."

"What did he say, Carina?" Sarah said, the exasperation spilling out of her voice.

"Nothing really. Just when he was about to start, he said Never-mind, Chuck had just dropped in. He lol'd me but I didn't know what he meant by that. Do you?"

"Yeah, I was with him when he died. I kind of dropped in from the ceiling," Chuck said.

"What did he tell you, Chuck?" Sarah asked.

"Nothing, just that you weren't going to go with him. He asked me to take care of you. I tried to tell him that he was going to be fine and that you two would go off and save the world…but he died then."

Both Carina and Chuck saw that Sarah was working hard at staying composed.

"Well, that's all there was. I just wanted to make sure you knew," Carina said.

Sarah was lost in thought. "It's not like Bryce to do something like that without a reason. Why would he tell me to look to my family for support? He only knew you, Carina."

Carina shook her head before she spoke. "I have no idea, but I agree with you. Bryce said he was seeing things clearly. He must have thought that we would need each other in the future."

"He probably meant that Sarah would need you with his death," Chuck said.

Both women shock their heads. "No, that isn't it," Sarah said.

Chuck and Sarah spent the next fifteen minutes at Carina's but the mood had deteriorated and soon Sarah and Chuck were saying their goodbyes.

"When will I see you again?" Sarah asked as she walked out the door.

"I have to be in South America next week but that's only supposed to be for a couple of weeks. I'll call you when I get back to the states."

Sarah and Carina hugged goodbye and then it was Chuck's turn. He stuck out his hand and she looked at it for a second. "You're kidding, right?" She then grabbed him and gave him a very hard hug. As she did, she whispered into his ear opposite of Sarah. "Take care of her. If you hurt her I will find you." She peered hard into his eyes.

Chuck smiled in returned and raised his eyebrows in response.

As he and Sarah walked back to the car she turned to him. "What did Carina say to you?"

"Jeez, you spy's never miss anything. If you must know, she told me to take care of you. And she gave me a warning in case I didn't."

Sarah smiled and grabbed his hand. With a great sadness behind her, she didn't want to think about testing next week. She put it out of her mind. As they got into the car and drove away, she noticed Chuck was looking at his phone. Then, she heard the familiar sound of Rick Price singing "Not a day Goes by".

"He's pretty good," Chuck said.

Sarah got a mischievous look that Chuck had just recently began to see. She then looked at him and raised on eyebrow and smiled deliciously. "You've no idea," she said laughing as they rambled down the road.


End file.
